Native to Florence, Italy, the Arachno Nethos Minderos were found in the top corners of Fiorentina’s goals. Club officials kept them secret and over the years the arachnids were the cause of many an opposition team thinking they’d scored only to be left puzzled at how the ball stayed out of the top corner. Apparently there was a whole hidden dossier on their use in the Calciopoli files.
First discovered by La Masia Aquatic Scout Division in 1973, the Mediterranean Observation Octopus has proven to be a shrewd addition to any midfield. 360 degree vision ensures an average passing accuracy of 103% (they had to invent a whole new 3% to quantify it’s pinpoint precision).
Mort Wilson missed out on the FA Cup Final due to injury (serious case of death) and his undertaker just couldn’t force him into his coffin. Mort began to stalk the land, usually FA headquarters, in search of his lost FA Cup trophy...
They say the first child of a first child in a refereeing family will be afflicted with the ‘Curse of the Wereoctopus’. There are numerous cases of this in the Faroe Islands. The curse takes hold upon the blowing of the half time whistle and lasts right up until full time. The affliction carries over into extra time but stops if there is a winner decided before penalties.
Tiki Taka reached such an accute representation that it became sentient at 10pm GMT on the 11th July, 2010 as Spain lifted the World Cup trophy. No one noticed the pink fog materialising as it floated upward into the warm Johannesburg night...
In the future humans live in colossal apartment blocks tens of miles long. Running alongside them like a green river are football pitches, one after another. Mother’s sick of repeatedly calling their kids in for dinner banded together and developed the Football Police, an immensely skilled unit of ball collection robots to intercept play and send the children home. They were developed by the brain of Franz Beckenbauer.
Whenever you head a ball, St. Merrick takes the brunt of the impact. As saints go, he’s extremely bad humoured, he doesn’t perform any miracles except for trying to stem the rising bumps and bruises that are occurring at all times around the varied topography of his titanic skull.
On special European nights in the depths of dark and cold winter, Vox Populi can be heard echoing in the rafters of packed football stadiums. When noise and passion collide these jellyfish like creatures generate and amplify the might of the football crowd.
In football changing rooms all across the world, the Clothesquatch lurks out of sight in the dark corner of the showers. It shuffles slowly around when there’s no one about, taking the smelliest and oddest fitting clothes for itself.
Atlantis Sub Aqua have some of the most dedicated fans. They even head to away days on dry land (as long as the stadium in question is within run and jumping distance of a body of salt water).