Football Monsters

For the month of June I'm drawing a new football monster every day. You can follow them here or on twitter, instagram or tumblr by using the hashtag #dansmonsters
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Native to Florence, Italy, the Arachno Nethos Minderos were found in the top corners of Fiorentina’s goals. Club officials kept them secret and over the years the arachnids were the cause of many an opposition team thinking they’d scored only to be left puzzled at how the ball stayed out of the top corner.  Apparently there was a whole hidden dossier on their use in the Calciopoli files.

Native to Florence, Italy, the Arachno Nethos Minderos were found in the top corners of Fiorentina’s goals. Club officials kept them secret and over the years the arachnids were the cause of many an opposition team thinking they’d scored only to be left puzzled at how the ball stayed out of the top corner. Apparently there was a whole hidden dossier on their use in the Calciopoli files.

The Robo-Goalie was part of the ‘Robotics Scandal’ that arose when Skynet sponsored a football team. Performance enhancing robotics were rife throughout the sport until eagle eyed observers started to notice the enhancments. The technology became sentient and enslaved humanity for 3 matches but Skynet FC was knocked out of the cup and things just kind of died down.

The Robo-Goalie was part of the ‘Robotics Scandal’ that arose when Skynet sponsored a football team. Performance enhancing robotics were rife throughout the sport until eagle eyed observers started to notice the enhancments. The technology became sentient and enslaved humanity for 3 matches but Skynet FC was knocked out of the cup and things just kind of died down.

Where Football began. This ancient sphere floats about the galaxy crash landing on planets. Once it does it communicates the rules of Association Football telepathically to the inhabitants of that planet.  Possibly on commission from FIFA.

Where Football began. This ancient sphere floats about the galaxy crash landing on planets. Once it does it communicates the rules of Association Football telepathically to the inhabitants of that planet. Possibly on commission from FIFA.

When a Barclays Premier League promotional space probe crash landed on Mars, a local Snot Crab colony began to worship Liverpool Football Club. It’s not called the Red planet for nothing.

When a Barclays Premier League promotional space probe crash landed on Mars, a local Snot Crab colony began to worship Liverpool Football Club. It’s not called the Red planet for nothing.

The Scuttle Muscle lives inside lost leather footballs and can retract back inside their ball in 0.2 seconds.They are voracious readers and love tearing through volumes of odd football trivia. Apparently they keep whole shelves of books inside the ball with them. Be mindful of just kicking a football you find, you could be turning a Scuttle Muscle’s carefully maintained library upside down.

The Scuttle Muscle lives inside lost leather footballs and can retract back inside their ball in 0.2 seconds.They are voracious readers and love tearing through volumes of odd football trivia. Apparently they keep whole shelves of books inside the ball with them. Be mindful of just kicking a football you find, you could be turning a Scuttle Muscle’s carefully maintained library upside down.

Atlantis Sub Aqua have some of the most dedicated fans. They even head to away days on dry land (as long as the stadium in question is within run and jumping distance of a body of salt water).

Atlantis Sub Aqua have some of the most dedicated fans. They even head to away days on dry land (as long as the stadium in question is within run and jumping distance of a body of salt water).

In football changing rooms all across the world, the Clothesquatch lurks out of sight in the dark corner of the showers. It shuffles slowly around when there’s no one about, taking the smelliest and oddest fitting clothes for itself.

In football changing rooms all across the world, the Clothesquatch lurks out of sight in the dark corner of the showers. It shuffles slowly around when there’s no one about, taking the smelliest and oddest fitting clothes for itself.

On special European nights in the depths of dark and cold winter, Vox Populi can be heard echoing in the rafters of packed football stadiums. When noise and passion collide these jellyfish like creatures generate and amplify the might of the football crowd.

On special European nights in the depths of dark and cold winter, Vox Populi can be heard echoing in the rafters of packed football stadiums. When noise and passion collide these jellyfish like creatures generate and amplify the might of the football crowd.

Whenever you head a ball, St. Merrick takes the brunt of the impact. As saints go, he’s extremely bad humoured, he doesn’t perform any miracles except for trying to stem the rising bumps and bruises that are occurring at all times around the varied topography of his titanic skull.

Whenever you head a ball, St. Merrick takes the brunt of the impact. As saints go, he’s extremely bad humoured, he doesn’t perform any miracles except for trying to stem the rising bumps and bruises that are occurring at all times around the varied topography of his titanic skull.

In the future humans live in colossal apartment blocks tens of miles long. Running alongside them like a green river are football pitches, one after another. Mother’s sick of repeatedly calling their kids in for dinner banded together and developed the Football Police, an immensely skilled unit of ball collection robots to intercept play and send the children home. They were developed by the brain of Franz Beckenbauer.

The Football PoliceIn the future humans live in colossal apartment blocks tens of miles long. Running alongside them like a green river are football pitches, one after another. Mother’s sick of.

Tiki Taka reached such an accute representation that it became sentient at 10pm GMT on the 11th July, 2010 as Spain lifted the World Cup trophy. No one noticed the pink fog materialising as it floated upward into the warm Johannesburg night...

Tiki Taka reached such an accute representation that it became sentient at GMT on the July, 2010 as Spain lifted the World Cup trophy. No one noticed the pink fog materialising as it floated upward into the warm Johannesburg night.

They say the first child of a first child in a refereeing family will be afflicted with the ‘Curse of the Wereoctopus’. There are numerous cases of this in the Faroe Islands. The curse takes hold upon the blowing of the half time whistle and lasts right up until full time. The affliction carries over into extra time but stops if there is a winner decided before penalties.

They say the first child of a first child in a refereeing family will be afflicted with the ‘Curse of the Wereoctopus’. There are numerous cases of this in the Faroe Islands. The curse takes hold upon the blowing of the half time whistle and lasts right up until full time. The affliction carries over into extra time but stops if there is a winner decided before penalties.

Mort Wilson missed out on the FA Cup Final due to injury (serious case of death) and his undertaker just couldn’t force him into his coffin. Mort began to stalk the land, usually FA headquarters, in search of his lost FA Cup trophy...

Mort Wilson missed out on the FA Cup Final due to injury (serious case of death) and his undertaker just couldn’t force him into his coffin. Mort began to stalk the land, usually FA headquarters, in search of his lost FA Cup trophy.

First discovered by La Masia Aquatic Scout Division in 1973, the Mediterranean Observation Octopus has proven to be a shrewd addition to any midfield. 360 degree vision ensures an average passing accuracy of 103% (they had to invent a whole new 3% to quantify it’s pinpoint precision).

First discovered by La Masia Aquatic Scout Division in 1973, the Mediterranean Observation Octopus has proven to be a shrewd addition to any midfield. 360 degree vision ensures an average passing accuracy of 103% (they had to invent a whole new 3% to quantify it’s pinpoint precision).

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